Parent-Athlete

The Parent-Athlete Relationship

Competitive swimming programs provide many benefits to young athletes including self-discipline, good sportsmanship, and time management skills. Competition allows the swimmer to experience success and to learn how to treat success and failure as two sides of the same coin, while becoming healthy and physically fit. As a parent, your major responsibility is to provide a stable, loving and supportive environment. This positive environment will encourage your child to continue. Show your interest by ensuring your child's attendance at practices, by coming to swimming meets and volunteering for your club at swim meets, or by participating in fundraising, etc.
Parents contribute to the success experienced by the child and the team. Parents serve as role models and their children emulate their attitudes. Be aware of this and strive to be positive role models. Most impor­tantly, show good sportsmanship at all times toward coaches, officials, opponents and teammates. Remember that you are teaching your child at all times.
 

 
 

Be Enthusiastic and Supportive
Remember that your child is the swimmer. Children need to establish their own goals, and make their own progress towards them. Be careful not to impose your own standards and goals. Do not over burden your child with winning or achieving best times. Let them know that first they are the child you love, and second, a swimmer. Tell them you will love them whether they swim well or not, and ask only that they give their best effort. Learning about oneself while enjoying the sport is the most important part of the swimming experience. The swimming environment encourages learning and fun, which will help your child develop a positive self-image.
 

 
 

Positive Parenting Tips

  1. Your child needs your emotional, physical, and financial support. Be liberal in providing this support.
  2. Support but do not push your child.
  3. Understand development – long-term development as an athlete, and growth and development as it impacts performance.
  4. Be realistic in terms of expectations; factor in age and skill level; be aware of your child’s perception of your expectations.
  5. Emphasize performance and effort, not just outcome. The athlete only has control over his/her performance. Define and measure success as giving maximal effort and as personal improvement.
  6. Keep winning in perspective.
  7. Do not bribe.
  8. Give plenty of encouraging and rewarding statements. Criticize sparingly.
  9. View swimming as an arena in which to teach your child about commitment, hard work, and coping with adversity.
  10. Work to form an effective Coach-Athlete-Parent Triangle.

 

On Praising Your Children

How often do you think about the amount of and type of praise you offer your child?  The wrong kind of praise, or praise used too frequently or infrequently can cause difficulties.  Sometimes we think that it is not possible to over praise a child because constant praise will build a child's self esteem.  However, there is a real world for the child outside of the home and a child's peers may not always be as praise giving as his or her parents.  Other children are usually quite truthful and blunt about the feats of their peers.  A child constantly praised at home may feel himself placed on a pedestal only to be knocked off outside the home.   

 

In a article in "Parents Magazine", educational consultant Fredelle Maynard listed the dos and don'ts of praise.  First the don'ts:

  • Don't praise by comparison ("You're the best athlete on the team").  It may encourage unnecessary competition or fear of failing next time.
  • Don't praise constantly.  If everything a child does is terrific, wonderful, the best, you will run out of superlatives and the child will become blasé about applause.
  • Don't praise indiscriminately.  Children who are veteran competitors know when a performance is good or bad.  Parental ecstasies over mediocre performance can either make children cynical or cause them to feel like frauds.
  • Don't praise so extravagantly that children feel pressure to go on shining.  Over enthusiastic applause destroys a good motive for activity (to please oneself) and substitutes a poor one (to please parents).
  • Don't use sarcastic or "backhanded" praise.  "Well, you did all flip turns for a change."  "You didn’t false start. I can't believe it."

The best praise to use is encouragement.  Encouragement helps build a child's confidence and autonomy while praise can be more manipulative, emphasizing what the adult wants. 

 

Encouragement allows kid to "own" their accomplishments and to find within themselves the strength and desire to do their best.  The following are Maynard's dos:

  • Do be specific.  Instead of using words that evaluate ("What a great race"), describe in concrete terms what you see:  "You kept your technique during that race.”
  • Do describe the behavior and its consequences.  For example, "Thanks for getting dressed and out of the locker room so quickly.  Now we have more time to go shopping for the new equipment you need."
  • Do focus on the child's effort, not the product.  "You practiced hard for this meet and it really paid off."
  • Do point out how your child has progressed.  "You couldn't have done that last year!"
  • Do give control back to the child.  Let the child do the evaluating.  Rather than say, "I'm so proud of you," say, "You must feel so proud of yourself.”  Instead of "I like the way you helped that relay," try, "You were able to help that relay."

 

Adapted from “News for Swim Parents.”  Published by the American Swimming Coaches Association. Used with permission.